Becoming a Mother
On the 21st of May 2021, my daughter Mila Rae was born into this world and I became a Mother.
In a matter of hours, my whole life changed. And no, I'm not being dramatic. It literally changed drastically overnight, with seemingly no warning. Yes I had 8+ months of 'preparation', yes people talk about being reborn as a Mother, yes I knew things would change but I really had no clue how much.
People talk about it being life altering and all encompassing and overwhelming but I didn't understand until it happened to me. I thought I could empathise with those who had been on this journey of Motherhood before but now I realise it wasn't possible until I experienced the magnitude of it for myself.
I don't think I had the same understanding of the word 'Mother' as what I do now; I did not know a Mothers love as I do now; did not know a Mother's sacrifice as I do now; did not know a Mother's capacity as I do now.
So I've been quiet, I've been absent, I've been different and I've been processing all of this and more.
While I still believe that being a Mother is just one role I will fulfill in this lifetime, amongst many others, it feels like the most important role for me so far. The responsibility of taking care of a little person and having an influence on how they grow and experience the world is so immense and such an honour. I feel incredibly blessed to be entrusted with this role and I hope I can be a guiding light for my Mila. So she can grow up feeling safely held and secure within herself and her relationships with others around her. I hope I can put my own self aside so that I can fully embrace her spirit and allow her to be exactly who she is supposed to be, accepting her wholeheartedly.
She has been imprinted on my heart from the first hours of knowing her and I am learning from her so much everyday. She tests my patience and melts my heart all within a few moments apart.
I now see that all of us were once her, all of us were once so dependent on our parents; so innocent, so pure. May I be divinely guided in raising this little wildling who was sent from the stars and keep her safe until she knows how to do that for herself ❤