Holding onto the darkness of Depression
When you feel like suffering and pain is your normal state of mind, you can find it hard to see the light. It's like you're at the bottom of a long staircase leading up to a beautiful sunny day but you can't even get a glimpse of that precious light.
It feels like there is no fresh air and darkness feels more comforting than light. The light of day, in fact, may feel incredibly threatening. You may be worried that if you step into the light that you might get burnt. There are many unknowns and uncertainties but darkness feels safe because it's familiar. You know what to expect and there are no surprises.
But stepping into the light is scary because it's unfamiliar; you've become so complacent within the darkness of depression that lightness seems like a mountain impossible to climb.
But in reality, you only need to take one step at a time. And on each step you will learn familiarity there; you will have a chance to get comfortable and get used to the light on your skin and your eyes will have a chance to adjust.
Admitting to yourself where you're at might be one step; reaching out to a loved one might be one step; seeking therapy another step; finding medical support, another; learning self-care, another. There may be many steps but you don't need to climb them all at once. Just pick one and start somewhere and the climb will become easier as you go. You will adjust to the light at your own pace and eventually it will feel beautiful and soft on your skin. A new comfort zone at each step you take until you feel more like yourself: your self that is free from the grips of depression and open to the light of life.
I hope you decide to take your first step. I hope you can find it more comfortable than you expect it to be. I hope that can be the first of many steps; steps towards yourself.