Do you find yourself having to explain or justify why you set your boundaries?
Often one does this when they feel uncomfortable in setting the boundary. This may feel like a safer way to set boundaries because it helps soften the delivery of the message. It usually happens when one is trying to set a boundary while simultaneously trying to manage the other persons feelings. The problem here is that you don't need to manage anyone else's feelings except your own.
Does the other person feel offended by your boundary? Annoyed? Angry? It's okay for them to feel whatever they feel. They are entitled to those feelings but it is their job to manage them, NOT YOURS.
This is a big challenge for the people pleasers out here trying to set boundaries but remember that boundaries are there to keep you safe and build safety within the relationship, not to create distance. They serve the purpose of creating safe perimeters for a relationship to function within and can actually forge greater connection and closeness.
So next time you find yourself explaining your boundary check in with yourself as to the reason why you're doing that... Is it because it is actually necessary for the other person to understand or is it because you're trying to make yourself feel more comfortable by cushioning the boundary with explanations?
Who can relate to this? Let me know your experience in the comments 👇